Sainsbury’s Christmas Sprint

With only 48 hours to go until ‘Ban Bicycle Banter’ day in Wattmeister House, a diktat imposed by The Wattmeisterin in 2010 after a scheduled Christmas Day functional threshold training session got out of hand, The Wattmeister set about acquiring the provisions for the main meal.

Imagine his delight and surprise to encounter both The Lion King and Slayer outside Sainsbury’s, who had been sent on similar missions. Slayer was attired in a tweed skin suit with carbon shoulder fairings and windproof lapels. The Lion King had opted for the full sprinter’s look with Oakley Flakjackets, white* Castelli Inferno shorts and top, and, congratulations to him for attention to detail, a super light shopping list written in invisible ink.

The Wattmeister wore a Santini H20 Harris tweed jacket over his 2003 Paris-Brest-Paris short-sleeved jersey combined with Nalini Rodano 3/4 length bibknickers (a Christmas favourite) and Shimano SPD sandals.

A straw poll among several female shoppers revealed that The Wattmeister won the award for sartorial elegance. Slayer’s jacket was deemed to be too short and too tight for him, (it transpires that he has already eaten the turkey),  The Lion King wasn’t really dressed for Sainsbury’s, being more suited to Waitrose, and so The Wattmeister won by default really, and the fact that his posture is immaculate in tweed.

The actual shopping was a flat out sprint. Slayer zoomed around the aisles, ignoring hindrances like small children and the elderly. The Lion King sat in behind a queue of young mothers before unleashing his powerful finish adjacent to the checkout and The Wattmeister attacked after deliberately dropping a punnet of plums to create a diversion.

Slayer was first across the line, but was later disqualified on the evidence of the store’s cctv for swerving the self-pay tills. Thus, Lion King was promoted to first place on the judgement of the new Hawkeye system which Sainbury’s have recently installed to adjudicate on all Muswell Hill Peloton shopping sprints.

We wish Slayer a merry Christmas and hope that he is released soon. At least his jacket will fit nicely after the enforced diet.

* White is faster than red….nice touch Lion King!


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