Drained by Flanders and all the Other Epics

The Wattmeister had to be cut out of his sofa on Sunday evening having simultaneously put on several kilos and lost all muscle definition after watching a month’s worth of televised cycle racing.

Starting with a riveting edition of Omloop; and taking in Paris-Nice; Tirreno Adriatico; the beautiful scenery and grandstand finish of Strade Bianchi; Geraint Thomas’s storming E3 Harelbeke; a punishing Gent-Wevelgem, where only 39 riders completed, and where this spectator barely made it to the finish; and finishing finally, at least for a week, with the Ronde van Vlaanderen on Easter Sunday, no cycling fan can complain about the TV coverage which has recorded amazing physical and mental endeavour from all the riders.

The Wattmeister has produced his own documentary, a selfumentary if you like. It captures his reactions to the racing, including how he interacts with the commentators, screaming, yelling and frantically tweeting when they make a mistake (as if they could actually hear him).

The film records his hot cross bun intake as he sneaks off for vital re-fuelling in the numerous ad breaks, until the time comes when his atrophied muscles refuse to cooperate or the butter runs out.

In the run up to Sunday’s Paris-Roubaix, The Wattmeister will seek to rectify matters by doing a press-up on Thursday (weather permitting), and riding 300 kms in one go starting at midnight on Friday in Manningtree Essex. This should put things right for the Hell of the North, and set him up nicely for Amstel Gold, Fleche Wallone and Liege-Bastogne-Liege in the latter half of April.

It is sometimes tougher to watch than to participate.

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