Alas, the all-defining Muswell Hill Peloton sprint at Regent Park each Saturday has spawned a proliferation of excuses from the leading contenders. Here are a few examples:
1) ….I got sunstroke at Lords, (or, maybe Lourdes).
2) ….there was a duck in the road.
3) ….it’s against my religion to sprint on the Sabbath.
In recent weeks, new tactics have been rolled out by some of the strong rouleurs in order to unsettle the sprinters. Alliances are spontaneously created during the laps only to self- combust as better opportunities present themselves.
In order to make some sense of these devilish machinations, The Wattmeister has applied for and received permission from the Home Office to carry out surveillance on the leading protagonists.
In addition, and with a view to delivering better transparency which is in the public interest, the release of new power data from Team MHP will be available amid claims of the use of performance enhancing products.
It is not just Team SKY who have suffered grossly unjust assaults at the hands of roadside spectators. Just yesterday, The Wattmeister was shit upon from on high by un canard, and was the subject of verbal abuse along the lines of, “….no amount of drugs can help you….!” whilst out and about on a Rest Day training ride.