Sprint Fixing

Hard on the heels of the much publicised betting scandal related to tennis match fixing, there is breaking news that the Union Cycliste Internationale have examined the bike of Under 23 European cyclo-cross champion Femke van den Driessche and discovered evidence of an electric motor hidden in the frame in order to assist the rider.

The Wattmeister must confess that his sporting career is not totally without blemish. In 1969, on a school games afternoon, he once took a short cut on a cross-country run thereby finishing in 15th position in a field of 30 runners as opposed to his usual 29th place. The shame of this has haunted him ever since….and thank you for listening to this confession.

However, it was a lesson learned. Over the years he has acquired the moral fibre to resist all temptation when it comes to either enhancing performance, (apart from a brief flirtation with Viagra, which ended in tears and a ruined pair of expensive Assos bibshorts), or, chucking an opportunity to win.

Only last week, in plain daylight on Muswell Hill Broadway, he was approached by a suspicious looking individual, who bore more than a passing resemblance to renowned Muswell Hill Peloton rouleur DingleDave, and was offered £1.50p and a pain au raisin as an incentive not to contest the Saturday morning sprint in Regents Park.

As tempting and irresistible as the offer was…..for £1.50 and free grub is not easily refused by the  unemployed and unemployable Wattmeister….the spirit of fair play is so ingrained into The Wattmeister’s psyche that there could only be one answer.

“Did you say one or two pain au raisins?”

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