How can the general public be reassured that systematic doping is not prevalent in the veteran ranks of The Muswell Hill Peloton?
Rest assured, that The Wattmeister does everything in his power to educate and inform his fellow riders in order that the highest standards of probity are met.
Anti-doping policies have been established, including a list of banned substances and attitudes which goes much further than the guidelines of the UCI, Union Cycliste Internationale, the world governing body for sports cyclists.
A program of continuous monitoring for in and out of competition testing is rigorously applied.
For example, this past Sunday, an elite group of club elders tackled the 200 km route of the Poor Student , an audax which traditionally takes place on the first Saturday in January.
After 145 kilometres at a strong but sustainable pace, the group stopped for refreshments at the Bantam Tea Rooms in Chipping Campden. Several of the strong riders with weak bladders took the opportunity to use the facilities. It seemed to The Wattmeister that Pistol had been performing at a suspiciously high level.
As fortune had it, TW took his turn in the W.C directly after Pistol, who had forgotten to pull the chain. Seizing his chance, The Wattmeister, at some risk to himself, managed to secure a urine sample using only a straw and nerveless technique which is currently being examined for banned substances.
Will keep you posted.