Paris-Roubaix (from the sofa)

The Wattmeister has been occupied this past week. Such is his reverence for the Hell of the North, that a new floor covering has been laid in the race’s honour at Wattmeister Towers.

An added bonus: if the Wattmutt has an ‘accident’, cleaning up is much easier.

A drawback: The Wattmeister does not recommend wearing cleated racing shoes.

Regarding tomorrow’s race, Peter Sagan and Fabian Cancellara are the obvious favourites, but in the absence of steep cobbled hills, other power riders should be able to stay with them over the flat course.

The Wattmeister tips Jurgen Roelandts of Team Lotto Soudal to upset the big guns.

In the meantime, some f*ck8r has decorated the new carpet with a fag end!

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