Dutch Healthcare/Mummy’s Hand

In the midst of sadness,  good news comes out of Holland. Dutch healthcare seems to operate without obstructive bureaucracy and with a level of care and dignity which is exemplary.

The Wattmeisterin has been waiting for months in the UK for a minor carpal tunnel operation. In passing, she mentioned to her mother’s GP that she would have to return briefly to London to fulfill an appointment for this operation. The GP replied that in order to avoid further disruption at a difficult time, subject to the relevant paperwork, the operation could be executed in the local hospital within 5 working days.

And so it was.

Fortunately, on the day of her operation, the hospital had commenced a BUY ONE GET ONE FREE offer. Being married to a Dutch citizen, (29 years today), The Wattmeister qualified to benefit from this generous seasonal gift.

He therefore mentioned to the doctor the cursing problem which so afflicts him while cycling in London, and also one or two grammatical glitches which occur sporadically, especially while texting, or on Facebook.

The procedure was carried out immediately. Courtesy of Dr. Klont certain words like f*** and c***  have been removed from his vocabulary and are now unavailable to The Wattmeister. In addition, punctuation and grammar has been tweaked.

During the process, the doctor had to perform an emergency full stoposcomy by inserting a camera up The Wattmeister’s most recent sentence, which revealed a dangerously high level of split infinitives, almost certainly a genetic condition.

This condition can be controlled by a daily subjunctive suppository which The Wattmeisterin has volunteered to administer. What a rock!

Finally, the doctor warned of the potential dangers of gerunditis, singing being a favourite pastime along with eating, drinking, sleeping and bullshitting.

Apparently the only cure for this is cycling.

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1 Response to Dutch Healthcare/Mummy’s Hand

  1. Word of warning though: turns out a colon-oscopy has very little to do with grammar 😬

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