Early Morning in the Gym

Spring is in the air. Fragrant strains of lilac, clematis and belle etoile tease the olfactory senses.

The mornings are light once again.

Resisting the temptation to ride to the exclusion of all other activities, The Wattmeister complements his frequent two wheeled outings with visits to the local gym in the company of Bullethead, Kap, Caveman and Grendel.

Bullethead warms up on the Wattbike. He rides it like a garbage truck crushing its load. It is difficult not to feel deeply sorry for the Wattbike.

Meanwhile, lean Kap sashays over to the BodyMax cable pull machine, handcuffing and ankle-cuffing himself to the structure as part of  a provocative and bizarre full body workout accompanied by A capella sound effects.

Caveman begins his workout with 100 burpees and star jumps. This is just a warm-up. Then, like Hercules, he proceeds to heft unimaginable weights until exhaustion sets in…..exhaustion from the observer’s  perspective.

Grendel arrives a bit later. It is less of an arrival and more of a claiming of territory. She growls at The Wattmeister, who obediently diverts his gaze and makes way for her on the Smith machine which spontaneously shudders as she marches towards it.

Skinny Wattmeister gazes at himself in the mirror, (a proper workout). In comparison to his muscular colleagues, he lifts weights like a weak baby kitten.

As he enters the weights room, leaving behind the shell of a Wattbike, Bullethead displaces air like a blue whale displaces water in a paddling pool.

Caveman and Kap acknowledge him with primal grunts between repetitions while Grendel flexes her sternocleidomastoids in the revisionist flirtatious manner of a peacock.

They all ignore The Wattmeister. If there was sand, they would kick it in his face.